Thursday, January 20, 2011

God's Rolodex

Until yesterday at 5 pm in my marketing class I had not idea that 'the thing working people keep on their desk for all their contacts' actually had a name. So if you had to google 'rolodex' don't feel bad; and if you didn't- please don't judge me.

It was yesterday in my Marketing class, yes at 5pm, that our instructor used the term 'God's rolodex' to compare, in size, a colleague's extensive amount of connections- which, if it's close enough to be compared to God's then he must be pretty 'up there' if you will... I'm sure there must have been some slight exaggeration in this comparison but regardless, I think I'll be going to this man if I ever need a job! Continuing on....

I've always liked reminding myself that I know a God with unlimited connections! Sometimes He reminds me of that by setting up divine appointments, and if I start to think about it for a while, I begin to picture a very intricate, yet orderly, web of relationships that God sees from His side of eternity.

Now for a moment of honesty: Yesterday I caught myself thinking (scheming might be more appropriate) about a potential boyfriend, not one in particular, but more or less considering my options... I'm quite confident in the fact that I'm not the only one who does this.
Thinking about this, with the phrase 'God's rolodex' in mind - I began to wonder what God's rolodex for my dating life consisted of. I thought about the prospects that I knew of and reasoned that surely, with His unlimited connections, God had some good one's up there.

God didn't let me get too far with that thought before He interjected one of His own: "I only have one."
One.
For a God with unlimited connections there is only one person that He has picked out for that role.
I am absolutely in love with that thought today! If nothing else it, was another needed reminder that I can stop looking. My husband will be revealed to me, and I to him, because it is the one God has chosen. No more scheming, and no more having to 'consider my options' God's got this one. And along with everything else, He just asks me to focus on Him!

Beautiful, isn't it

Friday, January 14, 2011

couldn't say it any better myself.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart

And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

99 bottles of pop on the wall...

I don't like complaining.
My family and close friends make think differently, but at least publicly I try to keep silent. I don't know for some reason it just doesn't seem worthwhile. To me it's not fake - it's just trying to be positive when things in life aren't- to put a positive spin on the situation so that somehow to will or think the situation in to being good.
That being said, I'm afraid that in the next few paragraphs I might come off sounding negative.

Today is the first day of what I am really hopping and planning on being my last semester of college- of school period- for a really long time. And today I am wondering how I've made it 7 semesters and 13 years before all that.
No unimportant details needed, but the weeks leading up to this big "first last day" have been confusing. Not stressful, just confusing. I feel like I don't have it all together. That for having done this (starting new classes) 7 times before I feel like it's the first time. The pond that is UT seems to have gotten bigger in 2011 and me, the fish that is supposed to keep growing with experience, seems to have shrunk. Leaving me to be a smaller fish in an ever-increasing big pond. Know the feeling?

Today I'm just trying to keep my head above the water... or my butt off the snow- both actually.

I know that by this time next week, Lord willing of course, this feeling will fade and I won't have to look at my cheat sheet of a schedule every five minutes to make sure I'm not missing a class ... but today I'm a mess. I've been checking all of my classes multiple times to make sure that I haven't missed any crucial information that would make my confusion known to my classmates.

I need comfort food- fat food really, a Chick-fil-a sandwich and ranch to be exact, I need to talk to my person, and a little bit of alone/ regrouping time would be good. I need to speak to someone face to face, not text or email, and I need perspective, which I'm hoping to gain through the previously mentioned necessities, a little less caffeine couldn't hurt either.

I feel a little silly making such a fuss about this day. To me, frustration isn't really deserving over a day like this. I know, based on past experiences, and God's word, that this feeling is fleeting. I know that this is just a day and that things to me are not as they appear before God. Testing and trials are brief, sometimes shorter than others, and I know with absolute assurance that He will encourage me and equip me with endurance.
"I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on" I love those lyrics from the song 'You never let go'.
In a condensed version I suppose it comes down to me doubting my inadequacies for the task that God has called me to, maybe just not on such a deep spiritual level. So I'll keep my chin up - and keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel- which I might have in the form of the Walk tonight, or through other divine appointments, either way I know I'm not alone today... even when I might feel otherwise.